My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
