i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
