my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
