I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
one might say we're banned from that church
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
