so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
