you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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