Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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