Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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