At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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