hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
