Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We are two peas in an std pod
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
