sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
