Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
