i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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