I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
