I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
