I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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