Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
