I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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