He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
