im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
