so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
