My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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