I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
