What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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