Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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