k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
