I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
