omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
