i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
All the doctor said was why
I'm bleeding and have questions
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
