My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
