so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
