today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
