my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
