sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
