Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
