Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
