Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
