i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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