You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
