there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
