I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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