you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
