all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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