Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
