no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
