The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
