But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
