If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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