And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
