Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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