Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
