this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
