yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
