walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
