nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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