I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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