Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
