apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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