It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
