So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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