I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
