you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
