i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
