I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
