I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
