that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize