my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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