I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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